Phil felt awful. He had done for days. In the past few weeks Phil had been focusing on everything bad in his life that he couldn't change. Simple things like more subscribers, more money, moving into a bigger flat with his best friend Dan, having the confidence to do more with his life silly little things; had begun to get him down. It was all just playing on his mind, taunting him, slowly turning him mad. He knew he shouldn't be thinking so negatively about life, but it had all just gotten too much recently, forever battling it on his own. He tended just to sit in his room all day feeling sorry for himself, only leaving its confines to get a drink or some food. All he wanted to do was sit, sleep and cry.
When the invitation came up to go out and have a meal that night with his and Dan's friends Charlie and Alex, Phil wanted more than anything just to say 'No thanks, maybe some other time.' But he knew that wasn't an option. The two boys had made their way up to Manchester on a weekend holiday and weren't sticking around long.
Besides, Dan had already agreed.
"You ready Phil?" Dan shouted out from his bedroom that night.
"..Yeaa" Phil lied. He wasn't ready at all. His hair was still a mess, he still had yesterdays clothes on and he knew he should probably freshen up before leaving. Despite this, he just sat there on his bed, staring at the floor, not wanting to go anywhere. He heard Dan rustling about outside his bedroom door, clearly nearly ready to leave. Phil just sat further back on his bed, brought his knees up to his face and hoped they would cancel and he wouldn't have to go.
"Phil! We need to leave now! Are you comi--" Dan had opened Phil's door and layed eyes upon his best friend. Phil could tell by Dan's horrified expression that he looked even worse than he remembered. Yesterday he had looked in the mirror to find a skinny, pale and fragile version of himself. He didn't look in for long though, he couldn't bear it.
There was a long silence before either of them dared say anything. Phil looked up into Dan's big brown worrying eyes and couldn't take anymore. He burst into tears, feeling three weeks worth of pity escaping down his cheeks.
Dan rushed over to Phil, sitting down on his bed and hugging him tightly, gently combing his fingers through Phil's messy hair.
For the next 10 minutes Dan comforted Phil about everything, telling him he was amazing, cute and funny, caring and loving and the best friend he had ever had! He explained that he wouldn't even have known Phil if it hadn't been for his talent on youtube and love for the funny side of life. It made Phil feel so much better about himself. Life was always a lot better when Dan was there.
After 15 minutes Phil finally calmed down enough to talk again.
"Dan, you are so good to me" he sniffed. Phil hugged Dan a little tighter and snuggled into his shoulder.
"I have to be, you're my best friend Phil! And think about it, you would do the same for me" Dan replied resting his head on Phil's.
Suddenly, Dan realised why he had come into Phil's room to start with! He gently pushed Phil to hold him at arms length.
"Right Mister! Are you ready to go have a yummy meal with three of your favouritest people in the world?!" At that point Phil couldn't have had a bigger, more amazing smile on his face. It made Dan giggle. For the first time in more than a week Phil was smiling! Not forced or fake; real. He had forgotten how good it felt!
Thanks to Dan, Phil knew he would be able to enjoy tonight.
No fake smiles, no fake laughs, no forcing himself to look happy, it was all real.
Thanks to Dan, it would all be real.